were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize