I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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