we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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