Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
