i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
