Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize