The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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