bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
