i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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