Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
