he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
