i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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