when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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