if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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