Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
