every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
