is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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