i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
