and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
