there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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