i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
did i walk over a car last night?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
