I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
