the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
