Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
