Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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