The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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