Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you inspire me to be a worse person
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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