My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he was CRYING into my vagina
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
