New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
