i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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