Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
