So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
