I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize