I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize