we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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