i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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