We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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