Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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