return my video game
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
