I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
