I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
