I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My vagina is officially offended.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
