let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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