I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
