Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
