Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize