OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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