He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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