I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This is my gift to your gina
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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