i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You are the jesus of drinking
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
