five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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