dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We left the knife in your bed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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