hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
