Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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