sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
