I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
