Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Can I color on your dick again?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
