i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
