Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize