At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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