dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
