Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize