I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
