If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
