cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
