We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I need water and some morals
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize