I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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