if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
her facebook's as public as her vagina
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
