So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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