It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
