peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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