brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
