Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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