Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
