Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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