He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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