my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
