Barsexuality is the new black.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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