You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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