he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
