ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
