the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
