Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
