i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize