Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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