Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
