I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
