so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
