This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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