You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
