My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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